I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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