oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
