**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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