Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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