No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
this is an emotional support booty call
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
