I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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