you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize