Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
