She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
