I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize