Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
