what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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