you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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