just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
