Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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