He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
