He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
