Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Come share oat with me in your robe
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
