I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize