I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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