Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
