The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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