i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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