some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
