The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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