My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was like eating out sand paper
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
