My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My vagina just recognized that song.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
