dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize