Christians are straight up FREAKS
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
