he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
