i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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