he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
