pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drake has all the answers
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
