P.S. I can't hear my feet
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
