Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
