I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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