I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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