I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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