I showed him my bush... on skype.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I supernannyed him into submission
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
