He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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