Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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