everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
