She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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