i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
