my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
