I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
