yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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