im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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