i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
