YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
