My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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