Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
