The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
