Me too!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
