Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
