I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
