Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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