I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
