He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
