I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
