I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
