I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize