i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
