Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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