fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
