um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We're too hungover to prance.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
