no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
