nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
