Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
