There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
