At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
