I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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