peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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