It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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