i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
