Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I came so hard my ears popped.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
